John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
