im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
