i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
