Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
