My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
