Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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