i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
