No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
two words: eviction party
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
