I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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