I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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