So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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