This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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