She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
