You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
