So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
