i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
