wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
