I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am naked and annoyed.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
