You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
