i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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