apparently the secret to your success is patron
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
