I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
