we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
