I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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