Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
two words: eviction party
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
