Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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