I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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