I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
