remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
