It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
