the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
