Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize