there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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