It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
