he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
