well I can't set my house on fire every night
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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