I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
