3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
honey bunches of taint.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
