i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
