Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
