he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
