I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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