The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
