no you cant smoke seaweed
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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