what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
