Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
