Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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