Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
