He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
