I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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