I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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