allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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