Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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