do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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