I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
