I'd wear matching sweaters with you
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
