It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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