So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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