This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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