I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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