Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
