she was so not down for the gang bang
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
