and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
