A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
