Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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