just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
